So, I was 'poked' on FaceBook by this guy I don't really know, and we wound up 'friending' each other yesterday. Early this morning, when I was rolling out of bed to my coffee pot, I noticed his status was all about being in pain from being cheated on and dumped. Needless to say, I spent the next few hours talking and listening and sharing with him. I invited him to the blog, and suggested he get the book. What surprised me in him was the willingness he had to admit he felt he had been the one in the wrong many times: he had gotten physical with his partner, said hurtful things, etc. He also expressed what I feel is a true desire to not repeat those errors again. I reminded him that it takes two to tango, and that he was not alone in the relationship. I also advised him to not be so hard on himself. If we don't make room by letting in the Light...
We talked about faith, about God, about how hard it is to want to believe in anything when we are this hurt. It suddenly dawned on me how very alike we were. That was when I remembered clearly that nothing in life happens by chance. Sure, he may have poked me as some harmless online long distance flirtation, but he was drawn to me for a reason. I believe that reason was to have me positioned there when he was in so much pain this morning after the break up, to bring him to the blog, and the book, and to Cat's way of healing. Granted, he has a lot of work to do (don't we all?) on himself. Something in me just knew this was why he had been placed in my path though. So, we have a new member in our club, and he comes from what some of us would call the other side of this.
Here is my take on it though: if someone who has been so harmed himself as to wind up being abusive in a relationship can reach out, and find a path to blessing, it is not for me to deny him the benefit of my experiences. Part of me bristled at it, but I have found that almost only ever happens when there is work to be put in for a lasting positive outcome. I have learned to embrace that which makes me bristle. The harder we have to work on something, the more of ourselves we have to put into it, the greater the reward.
In this chapter, Cat mentions the old adage 'actions speak louder than words' has little impact on her. She also says that when it is reworded into a phrase that is basically the title of the chapter, the impact grows. I completely agree. How many times have we heard the former, and as quickly as we hear it, it slides from our thoughts? The actions of this person who I spoke to this morning show me he is ready to bring about some serious changes, and is ready to do the work to make the changes happen and be permanent ones. If any plan or path can help with that admirable goal, I believe it is this one.
I believe in you.
I believe in him.
I believe in Him.
I believe in me!
There is nothing we can not do! Get out there today and SHOW YOURSELF what you are made of! I already know you are amazing! If you weren't, all this talk about belief, and God anf faith would have turned you off a long time ago!
Until tomorrow, Love and Light!
We talked about faith, about God, about how hard it is to want to believe in anything when we are this hurt. It suddenly dawned on me how very alike we were. That was when I remembered clearly that nothing in life happens by chance. Sure, he may have poked me as some harmless online long distance flirtation, but he was drawn to me for a reason. I believe that reason was to have me positioned there when he was in so much pain this morning after the break up, to bring him to the blog, and the book, and to Cat's way of healing. Granted, he has a lot of work to do (don't we all?) on himself. Something in me just knew this was why he had been placed in my path though. So, we have a new member in our club, and he comes from what some of us would call the other side of this.
Here is my take on it though: if someone who has been so harmed himself as to wind up being abusive in a relationship can reach out, and find a path to blessing, it is not for me to deny him the benefit of my experiences. Part of me bristled at it, but I have found that almost only ever happens when there is work to be put in for a lasting positive outcome. I have learned to embrace that which makes me bristle. The harder we have to work on something, the more of ourselves we have to put into it, the greater the reward.
In this chapter, Cat mentions the old adage 'actions speak louder than words' has little impact on her. She also says that when it is reworded into a phrase that is basically the title of the chapter, the impact grows. I completely agree. How many times have we heard the former, and as quickly as we hear it, it slides from our thoughts? The actions of this person who I spoke to this morning show me he is ready to bring about some serious changes, and is ready to do the work to make the changes happen and be permanent ones. If any plan or path can help with that admirable goal, I believe it is this one.
I believe in you.
I believe in him.
I believe in Him.
I believe in me!
There is nothing we can not do! Get out there today and SHOW YOURSELF what you are made of! I already know you are amazing! If you weren't, all this talk about belief, and God anf faith would have turned you off a long time ago!
Until tomorrow, Love and Light!
Thats so great Cole. One thing that happens for sure when we start to do serious work on ourselves and begin to really "get" it, is that our light shines and others who are still bumping into things in the dark will find us. The thing about THAT is that we must be careful and remember that we are still working on ourselves and not to give more than we have to give which is how we get broken in the first place. I hope he will do the program, and I would advise him not to get in any kind of relationship for a good long while, until he can find the answers through the work in my book as to HOW he ended up being a person he does not want to be. I firmly believe that unless someone is a sociopath, a narccisist, or psychopath, everyone can get well. Unfortunately for those folks, the road is long and they can and will take everyone in their path out. When you get to the chapters about "Dangerous personalities, you will see what I mean.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you are friending others and inspiring people, just be aware of your own path and how well you are doing and give only what you are able to for now. You are doing so great, and I am so proud of you.
Love
Cat
I am proud of you too Cole, and thank you again for mentioning me in your last comments. Cat mentions sociopath, narcissist, or psychopath. Because you know me I am following my friend Cole all the way in this journey because it is inspiring me but I'm in the dark right now trying to find the light. But when you said the above 3 mental disorders, wow, wow, My husband has 3 mental disorders one being Narcissistic, the other Personality Disorder and Obsessive Control Disorder. wow! wow! He has triggers and I mean triggers... I can't say anymore right now!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cat! Having you on my side has made all the difference in the world. There is no way I am losing sight of the path! I agree that anywhere there is a true desire to get well and find one's own inner Light, there is the hope for a better life. I know the road ahead for my friend is long, but he is young and resolute in his desire to move forward as a person. You and I are also completely on the same page about him taking time to learn himself before considering any new romantic endeavors!
ReplyDeleteYou're the BEST!
Love & hugs,
Cole
Darlene,
ReplyDeleteYou will get there, I promise! I am today and forever here for you my friend, and following this process with me will bring the Light to you as well. I know your faith (like mine) is deep, as is your capacity for love. It is the depth of the love we carry that causes the pain when that love is broken or undeserved. You are so worthy of so much more love and happiness than you have been shown or given, and I know you are in pain right now, but I also know, that because of the work Cat has up put in in this process, you will come out of it on the other side, more complete, more centered and stronger than you will remember having been in a very long time, if ever. It feels good!
Love you!
Cole