Cat starts every chapter of the book with a quote. I love today's quote especially, and feel strongly it should be a theme in all our lives, so I am going to share it with you.
'When Things Go Wrong, Don't Go With Them'
-ANONYMOUS
Day nine was kind one of those days where you run around like a chicken with no head, trying desperately to get everything 'done,' yet somehow it feels like you are going against the grain. I have learned through a lot of trial and error, that sometimes the Universe and God throw us a curve ball to check our progress. The train is late, your haircut isn't what you wanted, you get a little sunburned in the park with your godsons, your friend is moody because your first late train made you miss your connection to the other one, and you are about 20 minutes behind schedule for life-well, you get the picture of my life yesterday. I think we are given days like that one to test and strengthen our resolve, to force ourselves to truly remember to appreciate the ones when everything goes right, and to live in constant gratitude for the gift of another day, of more moments to share and receive love. I feel sometimes like Cat wrote this book specifically for me. That quote this morning was just what I needed to start my day off right! I took my time and digested the chapter a bit, rather than writing first thing in the morning, because I needed to get up and into the GORGEOUS day that is today. The weather is perfect in NYC, not too hot to be endured yet, and I felt the call of the park and the sun and the trees and grass, so I got out and walked. I did a four mile loop from my house, around the drive in Prospect Park and back, and it felt good. My feet are a bit sore now, but that is a small price to pay for such a great start to my day. I am making a renewed commitment to myself today to do more things like this, and to remember to be kind to myself physically. My body, and my soul deserve the kind of TLC that comes with healthier living.
So, now to chat some about day 10. On that walk I mentioned earlier, I carried my journal in my knapsack, and my trusty refillable aluminum water bottle (If you don't have one-get one! They are great, and you're not adding any more plastic to the world's trash piles!) which I take everywhere.
RANDOM TANGENT-I love NYC water. In South Florida, where I grew up, you can taste the chemicals they treat the water with, and here, all you taste is water-yum!
Back to the day-so, at a secluded picnic table in the park, I sat down with my journal and did todays "heartwork." I poured my codependent ass onto those pages, and allowed myself too feel every positive and negative thing about the events that were the story of 'us.' As I wrote, I came to a rather startling realization. I deserve better. Let me repeat that I found that startling. You see, up until this point, I had made excuses for the hitting, hair pulling, name calling, cheating bastard. I never stopped to think about me, and how all that had made me feel. I was simply reacting (if I cut my hair so short he can't pull it-he won't be tempted to, right?) to him, and trying to tap dance around his feelings, and put up a front to my friends and family that everything was not just OK, but GRRR-EAT! Who did I think I was fooling? The answer to that is myself. I allowed my own fears of abandonment supersede my need to take care of my own well being.
I am far from alone in this, and I am sure there are many of you who can not only relate, but probably add to my laundry list of wrongs. Let's face it. People treat us the way we allow them to. Nobody in innocent in a situation that goes bad, because the one who stays and tries to 'fix' the person hurting them is just as guilty as the one who is doing the hurting. I was hurting myself in order to try to make him happy, and that's just not OK. Remember that quote above? I know I am going to for the rest of my life.
Now, get the hell away from your computer and go do something you enjoy, all by yourself! You'll thank me for telling you to later, because I am definitely thanking Cat for reminding me to take care of me! If you are anything like me (and if you are still with us on day 10, I would be willing to wager you are) you not only deserve to do something for yourself-you need to.
Until tomorrow. Love and Light, my dear, dear friends.
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