Friday, August 21, 2015

2015-another journey and a different kind of heartbreak.

I can't believe a year and a half have passed since the last entry here.  On the one hand-it is great to know that my life has been basically smooth sailing for that long-on the other hand, it is sad that I am returning to start the process here over again, for a different reason this time.   My brother, (okay for those of you who get all technical-stepbrother) Albert, died in a car accident almost two weeks ago, and it is kicking my ass.   I have been in a state of almost constant anger and depression since it occurred.   I pretty much went straight into a place where everyone pissed me off all the time, and drove some good friends to the breaking point before I realized the one breaking apart at the seams was me.   i keep looking at this pink jacketed book on my nightstand, and thinking I should text or email Cat to see what she would say about using the 30 day plan for mourning.   Somehow, though, I know her response would be to go for it-to utilize these wonderful tools she has shared with us in any circumstance I need to in order to be the healthiest, best me possible.  

Knowing that my Moms (biological, step, and grand) are all following this blog, I offer this disclosure: I am keeping it totally real, and not pulling any punches.   If I trusted you enough to let you into the broken heart of a hopeless romantic, trusting you to be a part of my grieving isn't very difficult at all.  Even though you may not like or approve of what I write here, I am not editing out the parts of my life I don't want the family to know any more.  this journey, though shared, belongs to me alone.   I will tell it from my perspective, with complete honesty in the telling.   Anything less would be unworthy of putting my name on.  Remembering the old adage "you are only as sick as your secrets" will help us through this together.  

Come, hold my hand, and get stronger with me.   If you are in mourning as I am, we will mourn together, cry together, and grow in love together.   If you are simply reading along, I am willing to wager you have something you would love to let go of; some old pain, some old flame.   Join us in letting go of suffering, and welcoming in joy.

I love you, I love me, I love God's Universe we belong to.

Let us begin...