"...To live my life as it should be...I'll be fine without you/YES I WILL..."
-Leona Lewis ' Better In Time'
Someone I love recently reached out to me in need of assistance I could not provide for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which being my own baggage about the four times we have been together as a couple over the past decade. When I sat down and prayed over the situation, I realized that I hadn't fully released him from his past commitments to me.
In an email I wrote over the past few days, I shared with him what I will call our last kiss. I did my best to be completely honest, but not cruel or accusatory. I admitted my own mistakes, and ended in a prayer. I would really like you guys' take on how you think I handled it. The email is as follows, names included are unchanged.
My Darling Gregory,
You've been online, you've seen my messages, and you had nothing to say. Not even your condolences. Part of me is hurt and surprised. Part of me just doesn't care that you don't care if I am in pain, or in more debt now as a result of your carelessness with PayPal money you sent me which wasn't yours to send this week. Either way-I can't allow you to take me down this dark road with you. MY life and MY future can and do not depend on YOU. So, I have this to say:
Good bye Gregory.
I will ALWAYS love the man I saw inside you-the one who was too damaged and frightened of his own potential to ever be allowed to explore it. The kind and loving man who was slowly coaxed into relaxing just a bit, who smiled more, who laughed easily. Who LOVES me, exactly as I am. Who, like me is:
A BEAUTIFUL PERSON.
I pray and hope you can save yourself. And I am so sorry I had to pick to save myself before this drug took me as it did you. But I HAD to escape the pain and the torture of what it is doing to the love of my life.
THANK YOU
For loving me, in the best way you knew how, for making me feel safe and for bringing me-however fleetingly, peace and joy that I will hold onto as long as I live. Thank You for allowing me to fall and break. Thank you for showing me it was okay to get myself up and make the necessary changes.
THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO HEAL.
I think of you several times a day, and always will remember our times together with fondness, and a touch of sadness for the life we were denied.
I FORGIVE YOU.
Because you have a beautiful soul, and because my soul deserves to be free of the burden of anger and sorrow:
I RELEASE YOU.
You are free to grow and thrive, and it is my fondest wish that you will do exactly that, so I release you of any lingering hold or feeling of commitment to me you may have.
I WROTE A PRAYER FOR YOU-
"Gregory's Prayer"
Dear LORD, I bring before you today a petition for the wellness of someone very special. One of Your children needs Your intervention, please allow him to:
Live long, and prosper in joy.. Be well, an be wealthy in love and happiness. Be loved, and bathe himself in the warmth that comes from all the love he gives being most generously returned. Be at peace within, so he may share that peace and calm to others and his spirit can commune with God's Universe in this world and the next.
AMEN.
