So, I am at the first day of the rest of my life and there are four rules to follow (fuck, I hate rules LOL.)
Rule 1-First, You Cry
Easy enough, I have been crying for 6 months, sometimes all out, sometimes silently. Every time I pass 'his' stop on the subway, I wipe a silent tear or ten from my eyes as inconspicuously as I can. At the end of this book, I am going to do for myself what I did for him on our first date: make one of my favorite meals, and have a picnic near Grant's Tomb in Riverside Park. I want to be able to do that for myself again. I miss my Artist's Dates (If you have read the Artists' Way, you know what I mean) and taking myself to a sunset picnic was one of my faves.
Back on track-I am actually crying as I write this. I was crying when I woke up this morning after having had dreams of the child he and I will never have, but had planned. God, I want this pain to end.
Rule 2-No Isolating
Does having Cat 'with me' via the book count? I have been avoiding my closest friends, because I hate needing anyone. I have even been shying away from my godsons, because the pain of having the dream of kids ripped away from me has been almost as bad (if not worse) than losing him. So, today, I am committed to accepting my neighbor's invitation to coffee. I am also going to reach out to my closest friends and tell them what is going on...even if it just means I am sending them all a link to this blog.
Rule 3-no Retail Therapy
There is a HUGE part of myself that says 'hold up-wait a minute' on that one, because I have made a living as a 'Retail Therapist' for most of my life. Walking into Bloomingdale's or the Gap is like going home (and usually involves seeing some old friends. But, I am committed to this program, and I will follow it. I think, for me, this should also include no random hook-ups with cute guys for the foreseeable future.
Rule 4-Weight Management
So, there it is-my old nemesis. As I write this, I am about 40 pounds over weight (for my comfort zone.) I am definitely a comfort eater, and my arthritis and blood pressure aren't thanking me for it at all.
So, Here we start. I have the crying thing down to an art form, I do it off and on all day. I actually had to just pause after that last sentence to have a good few minutes of balled up, drool and snot dripping, body trembling and heaving crying. Maybe I will even leave the apartment building today and see people. It is a nice, sunny day in NYC. A park afternoon sounds like a good plan...
Rule 1-First, You Cry
Easy enough, I have been crying for 6 months, sometimes all out, sometimes silently. Every time I pass 'his' stop on the subway, I wipe a silent tear or ten from my eyes as inconspicuously as I can. At the end of this book, I am going to do for myself what I did for him on our first date: make one of my favorite meals, and have a picnic near Grant's Tomb in Riverside Park. I want to be able to do that for myself again. I miss my Artist's Dates (If you have read the Artists' Way, you know what I mean) and taking myself to a sunset picnic was one of my faves.
Back on track-I am actually crying as I write this. I was crying when I woke up this morning after having had dreams of the child he and I will never have, but had planned. God, I want this pain to end.
Rule 2-No Isolating
Does having Cat 'with me' via the book count? I have been avoiding my closest friends, because I hate needing anyone. I have even been shying away from my godsons, because the pain of having the dream of kids ripped away from me has been almost as bad (if not worse) than losing him. So, today, I am committed to accepting my neighbor's invitation to coffee. I am also going to reach out to my closest friends and tell them what is going on...even if it just means I am sending them all a link to this blog.
Rule 3-no Retail Therapy
There is a HUGE part of myself that says 'hold up-wait a minute' on that one, because I have made a living as a 'Retail Therapist' for most of my life. Walking into Bloomingdale's or the Gap is like going home (and usually involves seeing some old friends. But, I am committed to this program, and I will follow it. I think, for me, this should also include no random hook-ups with cute guys for the foreseeable future.
Rule 4-Weight Management
So, there it is-my old nemesis. As I write this, I am about 40 pounds over weight (for my comfort zone.) I am definitely a comfort eater, and my arthritis and blood pressure aren't thanking me for it at all.
So, Here we start. I have the crying thing down to an art form, I do it off and on all day. I actually had to just pause after that last sentence to have a good few minutes of balled up, drool and snot dripping, body trembling and heaving crying. Maybe I will even leave the apartment building today and see people. It is a nice, sunny day in NYC. A park afternoon sounds like a good plan...
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