Someone, somewhere said "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window." Somehow, that saying made it into one of my favorite movies of all time, "The Sound of Music." I can't tell you how many times that phrase has crossed my mind in the past few months. As I have been dating, and exploring a stronger, more secure person named Cole than that guy I used to know way back when. You guys probably remember him: he was curled up in a blubbering ball, crying into his keyboard last year. Somehow that guy managed to send out a cry for help into the Twitterverse, and Catherine Hickland responded in her quiet, special way.
Today, I came really close to deciding to make it official with the guy I have been dating for the past two months, but I find myself wanting to hold back, to not trust. On the one hand, he is really amazing, Supportive of my dreams and projects, romantic and kind, dedicated to family and loyal. On the other hand, he has a few habits I am not thrilled about and has a tendency to be ever so manly in the not communicating about feelings department. But he has communicated enough to ask me to be his steady, and that feels pretty fucking amazing. So why am I resisting? What is keeping me from committing to this man who spends four or so nights a week cuddled in my arms, who doesn't hold back his affection, who is comfortable in his own skin, even if he isn't the most VERBAL person on the planet? Is it the past? Am I still afraid somewhere deep down inside that when God allowed me to close the door on the chapter of my life that was Steve, I didn't completely learn how to protect myself?
I think, friends, that the answer may be even simpler than that: I'm enjoying being single, despite the growing things I am feeling for this guy. Add to that the fact that I have a temporary room mate (that's another story) and maybe I am just not ready to concede any more territory, be it physical or emotional, just yet. I know that I want to go forward and see where it goes, but I don't know if now is the time to make that statement.
Is the window so high in the tower that I am not even noticing it is open?
Today, I came really close to deciding to make it official with the guy I have been dating for the past two months, but I find myself wanting to hold back, to not trust. On the one hand, he is really amazing, Supportive of my dreams and projects, romantic and kind, dedicated to family and loyal. On the other hand, he has a few habits I am not thrilled about and has a tendency to be ever so manly in the not communicating about feelings department. But he has communicated enough to ask me to be his steady, and that feels pretty fucking amazing. So why am I resisting? What is keeping me from committing to this man who spends four or so nights a week cuddled in my arms, who doesn't hold back his affection, who is comfortable in his own skin, even if he isn't the most VERBAL person on the planet? Is it the past? Am I still afraid somewhere deep down inside that when God allowed me to close the door on the chapter of my life that was Steve, I didn't completely learn how to protect myself?
I think, friends, that the answer may be even simpler than that: I'm enjoying being single, despite the growing things I am feeling for this guy. Add to that the fact that I have a temporary room mate (that's another story) and maybe I am just not ready to concede any more territory, be it physical or emotional, just yet. I know that I want to go forward and see where it goes, but I don't know if now is the time to make that statement.
Is the window so high in the tower that I am not even noticing it is open?
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