Sunday, January 29, 2012

Something Great....


Since reading Cat's book, I try to wake up with the mantra suggested in it each morning.  "Something great is going to happen to me today!" Quite often, it does. In the first weeks of 2012, I attended the taping of the View's tribute to OLTL, met Agnes Nixon, was offered a free ticket to Loving Llanview (OF COURSE I went!) and attended the NY premiere of Madonna's W/E, hosted by none other than the Queen of Pop herself.  The rest of this entry is what happened that night.

So, I was lucky enough to be invited to a screening of the Madonna-directed W/E at the Ziegfeld Theater in midtown Manhattan last Monday.   Needless to say, the prospect of attending an official red carpet, NYC film premiere was a BIG deal to me.  Add to that the prospect of being in the same room as the Queen of Pop herself, and I was a ball of excited nerves!  My best friend Jesus and I  brushed elbows with some amazingly talented people that evening: Ewan McGregor, Julia Stiles, Lady Bunny and more were in attendance.  When Madonna was introduced, and came to the front of the theater to speak, I was excited beyond comprehension.  Not that it was my first time at an event with her, but any chance to see M is exciting for me.   The Marchesa gown she was wearing was flawless, and her speech was both heartfelt and personal.  Madonna discussed her inspiration to make this film, and even paused to thank her long deceased mother in a tearful moment.  After the 14 minute speech and introduction from M, the film rolled.

If I had gone in with low expectations for Madonna's directorial debut, I would have been selling her short.   Madonna and her supremely talented cast not only delivered, they exceeded expectations at every turn.  Humanizing one of the best known historical romances of all time in and of itself would have been a challenge; intermingling it with a contemporary one turned the film into a director's nightmare which by all rights should have been a disaster.  Instead, Madonna and company presented us with a masterpiece.  The two stories wove seamlessly into each other, and the inspiration Wally took from Wallis as she learned more and more about the truth about her life was generously shared with the audience.  Also not lost was the message that love comes with a price.  In the case of Wallis Simpson, the loss of her privacy, her popularity, and the ability for her to ever return to England (she and Edward VIII were never again allowed in the country after the abdication, save when she attended his funeral.)  In the case of Wally, it was the materially comfortable life she had shared with her very well off socialite husband.  The story in the film is not lost on us, and the fresh perspective with which it looks at a well known historical romance is both refreshing, and, at times, shocking. We often forget Wallis Simpson and Henry VIII were simply 2 people in love, and that love can make us do unexpected things.  We tend to focus on what he gave up to be with her, and forget the price she paid to live this fairy tale.  This film gives us the contrary viewpoint, and does so in a vivid and touching way.

As the film ended, I looked around me to see the likes of Gayle King and Martha Stewart on their feet applauding this film, which just confirmed what I already knew: Madonna had done something special with this film.  I highly suggest you go see what I mean.

Sometimes, in order to get where we are headed, we have to pause where we are and take an inventory.   Sometimes that inventory will reaffirm what we thought we knew about our journey through life.  More often, however, it will show us a need for a slight course correction and a new destination.  

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Push Back


So, I was involved in a conversation this evening with my Uncle's girlfriend.  She was ranting and raving about him (as usual) and when I had the gall to agree with her therapist on the fact that there can be more than one kind of abuse and my uncle overheard it, he started recording from the next room, as unbeknownst to me, I was on speaker phone.  Not to say that there was anything said in that conversation I do not stand behind 100%.  The man is a 55 year old child, selfish, on drugs, and doesn't fool anyone with his whole "divide and conquer" manipulation mentality. 

Don't get me wrong: I love my uncle.  I just don't like him.  The man has a wonderfullly loving, but terribly wounded heart. 


So, at TWO IN THE MORNING, my big bad uncle decided he had to call his little brother and stir the pot, wake him up in the middle of the night, and cause a shitstorm.  Do I discount that I played a part in this?  No.  Did a third party need to be involved in something that had nothing to do with them? Absolutely not.  I am far from an innocent bystander, and I will readily admit that I have a lot of vitriol where my Uncle is concerned.  So much so that I deleted and blocked him from FB after getting a call from my very upset younger Uncle asking me what I was doing talking to this lady.  I was doing exactly that: talking.  I was comisserating in her misery, and trying to offer her a release valve, and a calm voice, though I was unsuccessful in my desire to be calm and reasonable.  Where this particular Uncle (or my Mother, for that matter) is concerned, the wonds are too deep, the scars too ugly to try to heal anymore.

I have tried therapy, I have written about it, I have taken anti depressants since I was ten, and still, the pain that this particular member of my family causes with his mere existence can sometimes be more than I can reasonably bear.  So I become angry, I lash out, I push him away.

I think it is time to push away a little harder.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Dating Again.

So, I decided to be fully available and back 'out there.'   I have started dating a really sweet guy who I think I could actually like.  He lives in the Dominican Republic, which is a plus and a minus, though.  The plus being that we actually have to get to know one another over time and we are forced to court one another (I actually love this part!) The minus being the obvious challenge of distance and international dating, particularly for GLBT couples.   If this gets serious there will be some hefty challenges as far as being able to be together goes, but we are both interested enough to give it a shot.

When I was in the hospital last week, he was there every day, taking care of me and ensuring I didn't feel alone while sick.  That earned him some big brownie points.

"When someone shows you who they are-believe them."

Monday, October 31, 2011

How Will I Know? (NOT Whitney Houston's version)

How will I know for sure I am over it?  I get asked this question often by people who have come across this blog.  Before today, I didn't have an answer that made sense to me.

Today, which was a BEAUTIFUL day despite this weekend's freak October snow storm in the NY area, I was in Yonkers riding on a bus, and a song that had me doubled over in a drippy ball of snot flowing, cheek burning, gasping for breath tears in the spring did something completely surprising:

 it made me smile.

When do you finally let it SINK IN that you are better?  When a song that used to make you cry makes you smile.

That is my answer.

I love you guys for taking this journey with me. I hope everyone had a happy and safe Halloween!


Friday, July 29, 2011

Here's What Happens When You Run Into Him....

So, I was out with my friend Jesus the other night, having a perfectly marvelous time when, BAM.  He walked in the door to the club.  Aside from wanting to WRING his neck because the shock I was feeling felt a lot like pain for a few moments before I realized I was just stunned, not actually hurt, it wasn't awful.  I went outside, sent Cat a text, took a bit of a breather, and went back in.  There was no way I was going to let him screw up a perfectly good time.

You know what?  He didn't, and I didn't either.  I stayed and danced, played, sang, and felt JOY.  Even with him there.  Even though we didn't speak to each other until I was leaving and he said hi as I was on my way out the door.  I smiled my most winning smile and said-"Hello."  I then said good night and went on my way.  Cat was right there with me, in my head, letting me know that what was a pinprick today would have felt like a butcher knife to the heart two months ago.

Every day, in every way, things are getting better and better.

Love and Light.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

A Year Ago...

At this time last year, I was with Steve.  Just under a month away from being engaged to the man who would break my heart into a million pieces.  I thought I was happy, thought I was safe.  As I re-read the blog from May-June, as I followed the book, I realize just what an illusion I was living under.  Shattering that illusion-the illusion that he actually loved me in the way he claimed to-was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do.  But I did it.  I faced that, and confronted so many of my darkest demons in 30 days, that it is almost as if there is more space in my heart for good and new and Light than I know what to do with!

Every day, in every way, things get better and better.

Sure I can worry about the economy, the Debt Ceiling, and a million other things I have no control over.  I do worry about them, but I know that God has a plan for me, and I believe it does not include the nation around me crumbling under a financial crisis, just as I prepare myself for the next step into a brighter future for myself, and for all those around me, whom I hope to serve.

Until next time, Love and Light!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Harry Slaughter (of my back)

I have been in so much pain-physically.  I threw out my back, and have been in utter agony over the past weeks.  I promise to keep you guys updated on a semi regular basis...

Love and Light!